Hijab

I've been thinking about it more and more lately. I'm waiting for that sign from Allah that tells me "do not be afraid of consequences, just do it." My heart is slightly nervous about it because I know I can't go back this time.

Mothers

As my relationship with Iman evolves I find myself thinking about my relationship with my own, now deceased mother, mama Habiba. I am sad to realize that I don't really know who my mother was. I left home when I was 18 to come to America. My recollections of her are dim since it was five years before I could return home to see her. And staying for a week or two for a visit wasn't enough to shed light on who she was. I find myself living in those 18 years to try and form an image of how I perceived her growing up. I do remember her smile. She had a big warm smile made even more special by the small gap she had on her front teeth. She used to tell us that a gap like that signaled true beauty :) And she was beautiful. I remember her strength and resilience. She was married off at a tender age of 12 to a man she didn't know, my father. I remember their tender moments but I also remember the violent ones. Most of the time, the fights were about my brother. She was very tender too and extremely generous. She opened her house to many: friends, family and even strangers. She clothed, fed, and nurtured many. She was very intelligent and witty despite her lack of formal education. She so wanted to learn how to read and write. She never got to. She also wanted to learn how to drive. I realize now that they meant independence for her. She was reliant on my dad and my sisters but she wanted so to be her own woman. I know she loved me more than life itself. She wanted me to be the best I can. I know I made her sad when I left and when I got divorced. In a way, I do think I broke her heart and it's a terrible thing to remember. To be continued...

Ender's Exile!

Walking through Borders Books, what do I see but a new book by Orson Scott Card! It's the "immediate sequel" to Ender's Game. As if the other sequel was the after the real sequel, sequel. In any case, I'm going to find a library and check it out. Hopefully, it's worth the read!

Books to recommend

I'm always looking for good books to read. I know I have started 2 that I need to finish first, but if you read something you are dying to share, please feel free. I love history, biographies, sci-fi/fantasy, and mysteries. And of course some good old fashioned fiction.

Am I a good mom?

Do you ever find yourself wondering if you're doing a good job with your kids? I am constantly doubting my parenting abilities. It's interesting because it gets worse as Iman gets older. I want her to be such a good muslim, good student, daughter and citizen of the world. I think I mostly fear that if I die, she wouldn't be equiped to deal with the world. And it is my responsibility to get her ready.

Kids and Responsibility

So how do you teach a 12 year old girl to be more responsible about such things as: remembering important school deadlines, checking her laundry to make sure her clothes are ready for school and other important things. What if various sit-down talks don't work?